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Although there may be individual preferences, it is commonly believed that heterosexual men of any age would love to settle down with a hot, 18-year-old millionaire, while most women would partner-up with a tall, high-earning alpha male she can control.
But if they’re with you instead, how do you know that your partner didn’t just settle with you for a lack of better options?
Here are 10 signs your partner is settling for you:
1. Disinterest in your life: If your partner is not interested in your life, your hobbies, or your passions, it may be a sign that they settled for you. When someone settles for their partner, they may not feel invested in their partner’s life or have a genuine interest in getting to know them on a deeper level.
2. Lack of effort: Partners who settle may feel like they don’t have to put much effort into the relationship because they’re out of your league. People who intentionally seek out “lesser” partners, as opposed to more appealing “high maintenance” partners, are inherently lazy and selfish. They don’t want to modify their behavior to be in a relationship, so they settle for someone who is easy to please, contain, and control. Think serial philanderers who marry those with few options, so they can cheat throughout their marriage with little to no repercussions; partners like these want someone who will put up with their bull$hit.
3. The relationship is one sided: Have you given up your beloved cat for adoption due to your partner’s purported allergy towards felines, or have you chosen to forgo having children because your partner prefers a child-free lifestyle? If you are in a one-sided relationship where your partner makes no accommodations for you while you sacrifice your dreams to be with them, then they most likely settled for you.
4. They never have time for you: Partners who truly love each other actually want to be together, so if your partner is out “golfing” all day, comes home late, and acts like they’re doing you a favor by just being there, they most likely settled for you. If your partner settled for you, they may not be fully invested in the relationship or see it as a priority in their life. As a result, they’ll have other commitments or interests that take precedence over the relationship and the time spent with you will often be an unplanned afterthought or brought on by ennui.
5. They’re with you out of convenience: If your partner got together with you at a time when they needed financial or emotional help, were lonely, or simply felt like “it was time” to get into a relationship in order to seek third-part validation through societal norms, then it may be a sign that they settled for you out of convenience. The same is true if your partner only seems to focus on the practical aspects of the relationship, such as the financial or physical benefits; so if all your partner wants to do is go grocery shopping with you before requesting specific sexual favors, they may not be in it for love.
6. You don’t actually know each other: Partners looking to fill a void – such as companionship – will settle for someone they’re not particularly interested in out of desperation. So, if your partner spends inordinate amounts of time with you, but doesn’t actually try to get to know you, then they most likely settled for you.
7. Lack of affection: If your partner is not affectionate towards you or avoids physical contact, it may be a sign that they settled for you. While some people may not be as physically affectionate as others, a complete lack of intimacy may indicate that your partner is not truly attracted to you and/or happy in the relationship.
8. Lack of communication: Those who settle for their partner may be uncomfortable sharing their true feelings/opinions with their significant other because they entered into the relationship with a hidden agenda. Ulterior motives combined with a lack of true emotional intimacy for one’s partner often result in a lack of communication, which is detrimental to a relationship. So, if talking to your partner is like talking to a brick wall, or if they respond to your attempts at a sincere/deep conversation with frivolity, then your partner is most likely settling for you.
9. Comparing you to others: If your partner compares you to others or talks about exes in a negative way, it may be a sign that they settled for you. When someone settles for their partner, they may still hold onto feelings for past relationships or think about what could have been with someone else. So, if your partner is constantly checking in on their exes through social media, or brings them up out of the blue, they may have settled for you. Why would they be living in the past, if they really thought you were a “catch?” Those who look back on what could have been are often not happy with what is.
10. Lack of excitement: If your partner is not excited to see you, it may be a sign that they settled for you. When someone settles for their partner, they may not feel the same level of excitement (think butterflies in the stomach) and passion as they would in a relationship they truly wanted.
It’s important to note that the presence of these signs doesn’t necessarily mean your partner settled for you. But, if you have concerns, it’s advisable to have an honest conversation with them to understand their true feelings and work together to build a happy, fulfilling relationship.
However, if you find out that your partner did indeed settle for you, you can always reciprocate by turning a cold, cynical eye back on them, or kick them to the curb.
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