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Gone are the days when the end of a relationship brought with it the expected finality of your ex’s presence in your life.
Now, thanks to the marvels of social media, many women quizzically scroll over likes, comments, and story views from exes who bowed out of their existence long ago.
So, what exactly compels a man who betrayed your trust, abandoned you, or whom you ditched to the curb for higher waters, to continue interacting with you on social media? Or, even worse, to surveille your social media/internet presence without your knowledge?
Well, eliminate that dubious gaze and fear no more!
Here are the top ten reasons why your ex is stalking your social media (with or without your knowledge):
Table of Contents
- He misses you
- The “Dumpster Fire” Effect
- He’s a B-Grade Sexual Predator
- He’s bored with his current partner
- He feels guilty about the breakup
- He’s jealous
- You’re his backup plan
- He’s playing games (wants to get under your skin)
- You ex wants to make up/be friends (for real)
- Your ex wants you back
He misses you
A recent study published in the academic journal Social Psychological and Personality Science found that heterosexual men view their exes more favorably than heterosexual women.
According to the study, which was spearheaded by Ursula Athenstaedt, a professor of social psychology at the University of Graz in Austria, the reason for this is two-fold: for one, men are more dependent on their female partners to meet their practical and emotional needs. (How can you go wrong with a house-maid-sex-slave who provides you with emotional support and carries your children while also bringing in an income?)
As for the second reason, since men are evolutionarily obliged to indulge in sex with as many partners as possible with moral impunity, they’re more likely to try to keep the door open to an ex for the possibility of future sex. (Not to mention the fact that some men are too lazy to make inroads with new women on their quest for short-term gratification, so they dig through their trash for exes on the off-chance of a one-off.)
So, there you have it, the reason your ex is trolling your social media with likes, heart emojis and positive commentary could be because he actually benefited from his relationship with you and he’d like to continue using you for sex.
The “Dumpster Fire” Effect
If he’s the vindictive type, and it’s obvious based on your social media that your life has taken a turn for the worse since your breakup, your ex may be checking your social media to confirm that leaving you was the right decision (that or he finds your failure amusing in a sadistic way).
And herein lies the reason why you should never post anything negative about yourself, or any memes about longing and/or relationship loss on your social media after a breakup.
He’s a B-Grade Sexual Predator
If your ex is stealthily sleuthing your online presence while making no effort to contact you, he may be a “B-Grade Sexual Predator.”
Many predatory male stalkers are sex addicts with deviant sexual fantasies who sadistically harass women with unwanted attention. The motivations for this behavior are manifold. For instance, your ex could be a sexual sadist who chose you as a target for his sick sexual fantasies after a bad breakup, and/or he could be a complete misogynist who refuses to take “no” for an answer and now stalks you despite the fact that he’s remarried with a kid on the way.
But – never fear! – if your ex is just a voyeur who gets off on stalking your social media without taking it to the next level, he may just be your run of the mill “B-Grade Sexual Predator” (you know, the predators you
He’s bored with his current partner
a) Oh, the perils of human nature. As soon as we attain something, ennui sets in and before we know it, we’re seeking something new to replace it. This is especially true of your ex who has settled down with someone else. Before he knows it, he’s subconsciously seeking out affairs with partners (both new and old) who don’t have the perceived “flaws” of his current wife/girlfriend/fwb/etc. For instance, if his wife is blonde, he’ll seek out brunettes. If his partner is voluptuous and – even though that’s his sexual preference – his head will do a 180 for every stick figure that crosses his path. It almost doesn’t even matter the quality, if someone possesses something that his current partner lacks, then she’s fair game.
b) Another possibility is that your ex settled down with someone he was never really in love with in the first place. Perhaps his new wife comes from wealth, or he married the first woman who came along when he decided to settle down, and/or he had a child out of wedlock with a Tinder hookup. Regardless of the circumstance, love never factored into the reason for why he entered into his current relationship. If that’s the case, he may be looking longingly to past partners for fulfillment, which leads him to your social media, repeatedly.
He feels guilty about the breakup
Perhaps your ex has done some serious introspection since the breakup and now feels bad about the way he treated you. If that’s the case, he may be trolling your social media in the hopes that he can virtually reconnect and send a like here and there to alleviate his guilt.
He’s jealous
Men are like dogs, not in the sense that they are loyal or loving, but in the sense that they are territorial. To some men, every woman he has ever dated is his property, regardless of whether he actually wants her or not. Think of your ex as a dog with a toy (you) in his territory that he never actually plays with, as soon as someone tries to take it, he fights to get it back, only to abandon it in his territory again. That’s why your ex actively stalks your social media when you’ve finally moved on – and most especially – when you’ve entered into a new relationship. In these instances, his interaction with your social media is akin to a dog marking it’s territory, by pissing on a tree.
You’re his backup plan
If your ex left you for someone else, but keeps reaching out to you in the form of “likes,” post comments, or the occasional vacuous “Hey” or “Happy Birthday!” in your DMs, he’s simply trying to keep you on the hook with as little investment as possible in case his current relationship doesn’t work out.
He’s playing games (wants to get under your skin)
If your ex is malevolent and he knew he broke your heart, he may be stalking your social media to get your hopes up for a reconnection that will never actually come to fruition. That, or he’s stalking your social media because he wants you to view his social media, where he’s proudly displaying his newfound success, happy family, and/or active social life, just to get under your skin.
Your ex wants to make up/be friends (for real)
Perhaps your ex is over you but objectively thinks you’re a cool person, or maybe he wants to do more than simply assuage his guilt with a like here and there.
If your ex is stalking your social media under these circumstances, he may be waiting for an opportune time to apologize for the way things ended, or perhaps he’s trying to establish a platonic relationship with you. What you do with that is up to you…
Your ex wants you back
Although this is the least likely reason for why he’s stalking your social media, there is an inkling of a chance that he wants you back after all. But if he’s too bashful to make the first move and simply tries to get your attention by stalking you on social media, do you really want to give that another go? If he were really interested, he wouldn’t try to con you into making the first move, he would bite the bullet and actually reach out, right?
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